The Cullen Force
by DemonChick344
Summary: The Cullen Force is on its first large scale mission. Joining them are Kate and Garrett, who are now a part of the team. The mission: Obtain Mike Newton and stop the Evil Moustache. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of Stephanie Meyers other works.**

It was just another normal day in the Cullen house. Carlisle was at work, Jacob and Renesmee were on their honeymoon, Alice, Rosalie and surprisingly Bella were reading fashion magazines, Esme was reading Interior Design Weekly, Edward and Jasper were watching Family Guy and Emmett was watching some sort of superhero movie in the privacy of his room.

Edward and Jasper both snorted loudly causing Bella to look up from her magazine.

Edward, seeing this, explained, "Bella, the baby talks!!!!" he giggled out while Jasper intently watched the TV.

Bella rolled her eyes, "Sure Edward" she grumbled.

"But it does!!!!" he protested loudly.

Bella sighed loudly, putting her magazine on the coffee table at her feet "Edward, babies don't talk. Now I know that Renesmee was an exception, but normal babies don't talk. Okay?"

Jasper sniggered "This baby isn't normal Bella, it wants to kill its mother" he told her, turning away from the TV.

"RENESMEE IS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!" Edward screamed at Jasper, who put his hands in the air.

"Relax, Edward, I wasn't talking about Nessie" Jasper placated while Edward growled threateningly.

"ESME!" Alice screamed "Eddie's having a hissy fit!!!!"

Esme looked in from the dining room, Interior Design Weekly hanging from her hand.

"Maybe we should ring Carlisle at work-"she began only to be to be cut off by a loud scream from upstairs.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett screamed loudly from the second floor.

Alice gasped "I'm outta here!" she whispered, standing up in her chair while several magazines slid off her lap on onto the floor.

"What did you see Alice???" Jasper asked.

Alice shook her head "Terrible, terrible things!" she moaned.

At that moment, Emmett ran down the and into the lounge room. His entrance was as per usual, his clothes, however, were not….

He was wearing a skin tight, black, red and blue superhero costume. Complete with the cape and, unfortunately, tights. He had a large letter E in the middle of his chest with the Cullen crest below it and had a large pink shopping bag in his hand. Alice backed slowly towards the dining room entrance while the rest looked on in amazement, horror and confusion.

"NO ORACLE, YOU MUST NOT LEAVE!!!!" Emmett screamed as Alice tried to make an escape attempt.

Alice frowned for a second then her face lit up "You were going to include me?" she asked him.

Emmett nodded happily.

"I'll stay!!!" she said, bouncing around the room happily.

"When will we work out what Emmett's new game is?" Edward asked grumpily.

"Yeah!" Jasper added, "I don't want to go to Tasmania and try to find existing Tasmanian Tigers today, Emmett".

Emmett pouted at Jasper, "Don't you want to become a hero, Jazz?"

"What about me?" Bella asked.

Emmett shrugged "Come up with a name, become a hero!!! Join the Cullen force!!!!"

There was a long silence and then Rosalie spoke up.

"What if I break my nails?"

Alice frowned at her "OMG Rose, how blond are you?!!!"

Rose stared at Alice "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Everyone groaned.

"Rosalie honey, your nails are stronger than steel" Esme explained.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh!!"

Emmett shook his head vigorously "If you wish to join the Cullen force, put your real name and your superhero name on a piece of paper, and then slip it under my door!" he told everyone.

"What's the Cullen force?" asked a voice.

It was Leah Clearwater, standing at the door. She had given her hair a pixie cut and was wearing a singlet and cutoff jeans. When Jacob had gone on his honeymoon, he had left her as Alpha of the pack, so she gave regular reports from their patrols.

"Just here to inform you that we picked up no unfamiliar vampire scents in the surrounding area" she added.

Emmett grinned "The Cullen force is a league of superheroes who dedicate themselves to being superheroes! We are always looking for new members! Would you like to join?" he asked.

Leah shrugged "If the boys are game for it, sure."

"YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!" Emmett screamed "Cullen force, here I come!!!"

"I'm going to leave now" Leah said quietly. She then ran out of the house and into the trees to morph.

Emmett smiled happily and skipped upstairs to his room. As soon as he left, everyone thought the same thing.

What have we got ourselves into???

Next up….

"Uhh, Emmett" Bella asked as he was opening the chest.

"Yeah?"

"Why does the chest say 'I heart Barbie'??"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

The next day….

Emmett was coming back from his morning hunt. He had eaten two grizzlies and not gotten blood all over himself, which he usually did. Then suddenly, he remembered something. The Cullen Force!!! He had been hunting all night so he still had to check to see if anyone had joined. He ran back to the house and of course, when he got to the river, he didn't bother to jump, he just ran through it as usual.

Back at the house….

"Morning, Esme, Hey Carlisle" Emmett boomed as soon as he got in the house.

They nodded at him, deep in discussion over something in the dining room.

He ran up to his room and cautiously (for Emmett) opened the door. On the ground were several pieces of paper. These must be people who want to join!! He picked them up and sitting on his bed, unfolded the first one. Written on it was:

_The wolf pack,_

_Leah/Lightning_

_Embry/Ember_

_Seth/Sharkalator_

_Quil/Talon_

_Jacob/Captain PoofyPants!_

Emmett nodded to himself and wrote their hero names on a large piece of paper. He grabbed the next piece of paper which had written on it:

_Bella and Edward_

_Bella/The Shield _

_Edward/The Copper Flash_

Emmett wrote their hero names down on the paper and picked another piece of paper which said:

_Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme & Rose_

_Alice/The Oracle_

_Jasper/Major Whitlock_

_Carlisle/Family Man_

_Esme/Mother Hen_

_Rosalie/Miss Perfection_

Emmett then wrote down their names and smiled. Now for the costumes, he thought to himself.

In the garden….

The wolf pack and the Cullen's were sitting on a green expanse of lawn out the front of the house. Embry was lying down with his head in Leah's lap while Quil and Seth arm wrestled, Carlisle and Esme sat on lawn chairs, Alice singing 'Paparazzi' two octaves higher with Jasper cheering her on, Rosalie was staring in an ornate handheld mirror while Bella and Edward sat talking near Carlisle and Esme.

"I wonder when Nessie will get back" Carlisle said to Esme who shrugged.

"Sometime next week" Esme replied.

"Emmett's coming!!" Edward yelled.

At that exact second, Emmett charged out of the house holding a massive wooden chest reinforced with steel strips at least an inch thick. There were also steel studs protruding out of most of the chest and of course, a massive padlock was dangling from two steel rings, one on the main part and the other on the lid. Also, for some odd reason, the chest had "I heart Barbie" spray painted on it, in hot pink.

"Costumes!!!" Emmett screamed out loudly.

Leah jerked around "You didn't say anything about costumes!!" she yelled.

"You can't wear them in case you have to morph. And people think I'm dumb, sheesh!!" Emmett replied. He then set the box down on the ground with a loud 'THUD' and grabbed a huge metal key from his jeans pocket.

"Whatever!" Leah yelled back.

Emmett placed the key in the lock and turned it.

"Uhh, Emmett" Bella asked as he was opening the chest.

"Yeah?"

"Why does the chest say 'I heart Barbie'??"

Emmett turned around, his hands on his hips. "Because I used to keep my Barbie collection in there! Do you have a problem with that???" he said icily.

Everyone was quiet and then, without warning, the wolf pack simultaneously began to laugh hysterically.

"Wait 'till Jake hears about this" Quil snorted loudly, rolling around and slapping the ground.

Leah and Embry were sniggering loudly while Seth rolled around emitting high pitched squeals. The Cullens meanwhile, were trying not to laugh at Emmett who was standing with his arms crossed glaring at anyone who caught his eye.

"IF YOU MIND" Emmett wailed loudly, jumping up and down like a preschooler who needed to go 'potty', to draw attention to himself.

The wolf pack managed to quiet themselves down long enough for Emmett to regain his composure.

"Right. Jasper, this is yours." Emmett handed over a navy blue and dark green costume to Jasper, who shook it out. The navy blue covered most of the body, with dark green strips twisting around the arms and legs. 'Major Whitlock' was written across the chest with the Cullen crest below it in white.

"Nice, Em. Thanks!" Jasper said enthusiastically, hugging the costume to his chest.

"Here's Alice's" Emmett handed her a sky blue and bright green version of the one Jasper had. 'The Oracle' was written on it, as well as the Cullen crest.

"YAY!!!! I got one!!! I got one!!!" Alice screamed, bouncing around in circles.

Carlisle's and Esme's were the same, with white covering from their left arm down to the right hip and gold covering the rest of the torso and legs. Carlisle had 'Family Man-Medic' and Esme had 'Mother Hen-Intel Officer' along with the Cullen crest written on theirs.

"Oh-yeah" Bella whooped when she got hers. It was mainly royal purple with black gloves and black stripes criss-crossing the body. She had 'The Shield' printed across her chest in silver. Edwards was the same except he had 'The Copper Flash' on his.

"Where's mine?" Rosalie demanded. Emmett handed her a completely hot pink suit with 'Miss Perfection' written across it in black.

"Okay Team, split up and find your own adventures! And if anyone asks, say Cullen force!" Emmett yelled.

"What about the wolves?" Seth asked "What do we do?"

"You save people too-but not as wolves. That may be a bit freaky for humans"

The wolf pack looked at each other and they all cracked identical grins.

Next up….

"Mummy!!!!" Mike Newton wailed "Save me!!"

Just then, something dressed in a skin tight costume smashed through the window.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mike screamed.

"I'll save you!!!" Boomed a loud voice

Guess who?

**So, what do you think? Please review and remember, this is my first story! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Sadly I don't the Twilight Saga. I do, however, own the 'I heart Barbie' chest.**

Mike Newton was bored. All he had done was sell camping equipment all day and give dirty looks to anyone who invaded his personal space (he had been stuck in an elevator with three sumo wrestlers for over four hours last month, and now had issues regarding personal space). So now, at the magical time of midnight, he was sitting in his room reading the latest issue of the Official Bratz Doll magazine.

"Oh Mr. CuddlyPants", Mike said to his pet rabbit, which was sitting in its cage over near the door "Would you like to do the 'which girl are you?' quiz?"

The white rabbit (which for some reason had fluffy pink pants on) retreated backwards in its cage, shivering as it inched backwards.

"Fine!" Mike snapped "You are _sooo _not getting that manicure tomorrow!!"

The rabbit began to shake even more, rocking the cage from side to side.

"I hate you!!!" Mike screamed at his pet rabbit.

The rabbit's eyes, normally pink, flashed bright red. "Mike Newton, I hate you too! And FYI, your gay hairdo is _sooo_ last year" Mr. CuddlyPants boomed deeply. And with that, the rabbit exploded to ten times its size and burst out of the cage (and its pants).

"Mummy!!!!" Mike Newton wailed "Save me!!"

Just then, something dressed in a skin tight costume smashed through the window.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mike screamed.

"I'll save you!!!" Boomed a loud voice. A large figure was standing in the middle of the room, wearing a blue, red and black costume with a red and black cape tied around its neck.

"My savior!" Mike squealed in a really girly voice.

The tall figure grabbed the giant (possibly rabid) rabbit and threw it through the smashed window.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" screeched the rabbit as it flew past Mike and outside.

The tall figure turned around to Mike and whispered loudly "Remember the name, Cullen Force!" and instead of jumping through the window, just smashed through the wall next to it.

Mike was quiet for a few seconds, and then began giggling hysterically, rolled off the bed, hit his head on the wooden floor and concussed himself.

Bella and Edward were standing in a dark and murky alleyway, looking for someone to save. They had been there for five minutes, and found it exceedingly boring. Bella was scratching extremely offensive phrases in the wall with her fingernails while Edward was listening to the thoughts of whoever was in the vicinity.

"Got one!" he said, loud enough for only Bella to hear.

"Who?" she asked.

"An old lady, trying to get across a pedestrian crossing. Let's go!" Edward grabbed Bella arm and they ran at full speed towards their target.

"Excuse me. Could we be of assistance?" Edward asked politely.

The old woman glared at him, leaning on her cane "Get lost." She hissed and began to move forward, only to be blocked by Edward, who grabbed her arm, and with Bella, began to drag the old woman across the road.

"Let me go!" the women shrieked when they were about halfway across the crossing.

"No!" Bella said grumpily.

"Yes!" the women yelled back.

Bella's golden eyes flashed warningly. "No" she hissed loudly.

Edward looked at the old women "Without our help, you would be _dead_" he said pompously.

The women glared at him "Nuh-Ahh".

"Yeah-huh"

"Nuh-Ahh" the women insisted.

Edward looked at Bella grumpily "Don't like her" he whispered.

Bella shrugged "let's ditch her!" she whispered back

Edward nodded and then they dropped the old lady in the middle of the crossing.

"Wait" she screamed after them. "Come back!"

Bella turned around, gave the old women the middle finger and hissed "Cullen Force. Remember the name!" and turned around and marched off.

"Hey Jazz" Alice whined

"Yeah?"

"Can I do your hair!" she asked bouncing up and down at vampire speed.

"No! Can't you concentrate on what we're supposed to be doing?" Jasper hissed under his breath.

Alice smiled "Oh _yeeaaahhh_! Finding someone to save!"

They were hiding behind a large truck opposite the Newton's store. A heavy fog blanketed Forks, but they could see fine thanks to their vampire vision.

"Oohh Jazzy! There a hole in Newton's wall!"

Jasper nodded and turned his vision to the hole Alice had pointed out "Looks roughly Emmett sized" he growled.

At that moment they saw something that was burned into their minds for all eternity. Mike Newton had just gotten on to the shop roof, dressed in a hot pink leotard. He placed a TV on a box and picked up a microphone. And started singing 'Just like a Pill' by Pink. And got all the notes wrong.

"Ewwwwww" Alice groaned.

Jasper's mouth opened and closed like a fish's "That should be illegal!" he whispered.

People on the street had noticed Mike now.

"OMG! Mike is that you?" yelled Jessica.

Mike stopped singing and turned around "SHUTUP!!!" he screamed at the crowd.

"We have to save him" Jasper said.

Alice nodded and in a second they were behind Mike on the roof.

"I'M JUST TRYING TO EXPRESS MYSELF!!! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!!!?" Mike screamed at the crowd.

"Mike. Calm down." Jessica pleaded.

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!!!" He screamed at poor Jessica, who immediately erupted into tears.

"Now" Jasper whispered to Alice.

They ran up behind Mike and hauled him off the roof.

"I HAVE A WEDGIE!! LET ME PULL IT OUT!!" He screamed at them, trying in vain to escape from the two vampires.

Alice and Jasper jumped off the roof and walked down an alleyway.

"Drop him here" Jasper instructed.

They dropped him on the ground and began walking off. Alice turned around, her face serious "Remember the name, Cullen force!" she said to him.

Mike Newton stared at them until they rounded a corner and disappeared. He shifted uncomfortably in the pink leotard and began to stand up. Then fell over and concussed himself again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Twilight Saga. However, I now claim the I heart Barbie chest and Mike Newton's pink leotard as my own. So ha!**

Charlie slammed shut the door of his cruiser, locked it and slowly walked up his front steps. His day had been one of the most interesting so far. He had been called to the Newton's house(it was joined to their store) and had taken a statement from Mike Newton saying that his rabbit blew up and tried to kill him, a hot, sexy man in tights had smashed through the window, disposed of the oversized rabbit and then smashed through the Newton's bedroom wall.

Then, an elderly woman had reported being kidnapped by a man and a woman wearing skintight costumes, being dragged across the road, and being left in the middle of said road.

And then Mike Newton had gotten up on his roof and started singing 'Just like a Pill' in a pink leotard.

Charlie opened his front door, hung his holster up, and walked into the living room only to encounter the Clearwater siblings and Embry and Quil.

"What are you doing in here?" Charlie growled.

Seth, who was lying on his side in front of Charlie's flat screen TV, looked at Charlie. "Bella gave us the key" he said dreamily, poking the floorboards.

Charlie growled "Fine, you can stay for tonight!"

The kids cheered and then Quil looked at Charlie "Let's play Truth or Dare" he suggested.

"What!" Charlie exclaimed loudly.

The kids looked at him mournfully.

"Oh okay. But no parties!" he grumbled.

Half an hour later….

"My go." Leah said. "This one's for Charlie."

Charlie groaned "Why me?"

Leah looked at him "Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Love, Kiss or Torture?" She asked.

Charlie frowned "Truth." He answered.

Leah grinned, revealing her brilliant white teeth. "Do you have the hots for my Mum?"

"Uh, Sue's a wonderful woman, and really pretty and a great cook." Charlie answered, blushing. Come on Charlie, he said to himself, the Police Chief of Forks doesn't blush!

"Charlie's go!" Quil announced.

"Truth or dare, Leah." Charlie asked.

"Truth."

"Why are you here?" he asked.

She smiled evilly. "Your room has been covered in pie."

Charlie swore then ran up the stairs. Sure enough, his room was covered in many varieties of pie. His bed was covered in apple and blackberry, his floor was covered in chicken, apricot and vegetable pie and there was a trail of steak filling leading to the bathroom. He gingerly opened the door to reveal utter chaos. His bath had been filled to the rim with steak pie filling. His shower contained the pie shells stacked on top of each other and his toilet was….gone.

"MY TOILET!!!!" Charlie screamed loudly.

He jumped down the stairs to be met with yet another disaster. While he had been upstairs, his living room had been spray painted. The words 'Cullen Force' had been painted in every possible colour all over the walls. And the kids were gone.

"WHY!!!" Charlie sobbed into the floorboards. "WHY!!!"

In Carlisle's office at the hospital….

"So, Mike. Why did you concuss yourself?" Carlisle asked.

Mike stared at him, "I told you! I stood up and fell over! And why are you wearing a Superhero Costume?"

Carlisle looked at himself in his office mirror, "No reason. Now, has this got anything to do with the elevator incident?"

"No." Mike said sulkily.

Carlisle sighed, "What is it then?"

"No body understands me!"

Carlisle nodded, "Now Mike, I'm going to refer a friend to you, he may understand your…gender confusion."

Mike sat bolt upright in the chair, revealing the hot pink leotard that had been hidden underneath a hospital gown, "WHAT! I didn't say I was gender confused?" He yelled.

"No. But your mum did."

"SHE BETRAYED ME?"

Carlisle smiled tightly, "I asked everyone in Forks, they all have the same opinion of you."

"Which is?"

"You need help."

Mike began crying.

Carlisle stared.

Mike kept on crying.

Carlisle kept on staring.

An hour later Mike stopped, his face the color of a raspberry, "I'm sorry, Dr Cullen, my emotions got the better of me." Mike sniffed.

"Yes….they usually do."

"I think I'll go to this…. friend of yours. Maybe they can help me."

Carlisle nodded and wrote down an address on a piece of paper, "Here you go, Mike" He said when he had finished writing.

Mike took the piece of paper and read it. It said:

_Dr Aro_

_The throne room,_

_Underground complex,_

_Volterra_

_(Tell him Carlisle Cullen sent you, Mike. And give him my regards.)_

"Thank you, Dr Cullen." Mike said.

Carlisle nodded, "Remember the name, Cullen force!"

Mike nodded and it wasn't until he was on the plane to Italy that he realized he had heard three people say 'Cullen Force' to him. But he was to busy reading a 'MANLY' magazine to work out that they all belonged to the Cullen family.

**What do you think?**

**Next up we have;**

**Aro being Mike's councilor**

**Charlie asking Bella about the Cullen force and,**

**Nessie and Jake are back!**

**Remember to review!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga. I do own the before mentioned things, though. *Cough* I heart Barbie chest *Cough*.**

The Cullen's were standing at the airport in Port Angeles, waiting for Jake and Renesmees' jet to arrive.

"Where are they?!" Alice whined loudly, "Jazzy, where are they?"

Jasper shrugged, "They'll be here soon, okay?"

"'Kay!!" Alice exclaimed.

"I think that's their jet." Bella commented a while later.

"Yep. It is." Rose said blandly.

"They're getting off!" Esme squealed.

The Cullen's ran to meet Nessie and Jake, jumping over chairs, running into to people and generally leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Renesmee saw them first, throwing her bags to the nearest attendant and she ran to hug Edward and Bella. They ran forward and hugged her, while Jake snatched Nessie's bags off the attendant and slowly walked over to the rest of the Cullen's.

"It's so great to see you!" Renesmee said happily, "We loved visiting the Amazon Coven!"

Jake grinned, "Yeah, they don't smell as bad as you lot do."

Emmett pushed Jake lightly, "Careful, Neffypoos, Don't diss ol' Uncle Emmett!"

Jake grinned while Renesmee hugged all the other Cullen's.

Renesmee stood back, and her smile faded away.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"Um, why are you wearing skintight bodysuits?" Nessie said slowly.

"Yeah! Where's mine?" Jacob growled.

"We'll tell you when we get back." Bella said.

**Volturi throne room…**

"ARO!!!!" Jane screamed from somewhere in one of the passages leading to the surface.

Aro sighed dramatically and jumped out of his throne. "Yes Jane, what is it?" He said.

Jane appeared holding a human in a headlock. The human was wearing a pink leotard and was purple in the face from suffocation. Jane dropped him on the floor.

"Another gender confused idiot. Really Aro, you're a leader of the Volturi and yet you insist on trying to help them!" Jane hissed then stormed off.

Aro sighed and helped the human up.

"Carlisle Cullen sent me." The human coughed out, handing Aro a note. Aro read the note and clasped it to his chest.

"Oh Carlisle!" Aro said softly, bouncing up and down. "I'll treasure this forever!"

Mike Newton stood up slowly. "He said you could help me. Can you?"

Aro nodded. "I can help you! I'll turn your life around, girls will run after you screaming your name, you will become a stud!" He yelled, his deep voice echoing of the walls of the throne room.

"So I'll totally get laid?" Mike asked.

Aro looked at him. "Yes. But first we must give you a makeover!" He told Mike, "Demetri, Felix, come here!" He screamed loudly and two men walked out of one of the tunnels.

"Yes Aro." They chorused.

"This boy needs a makeover." Aro informed them.

The tall man rolled his eyes while the short one spoke.

"What does he wish to become?" The short one asked.

"I want to be cool, buff and sexy!" Mike said.

"We can do that." The tall one said.

"For a price…" The other one added.

"Name it." Mike said.

"We want your leotard." They chorused.

Mike pouted. "Fine, but hand wash it, okay!" He muttered and followed them down a tunnel and into a large, pink room that had a sign above the door. It said:

_Alec's manly room that isn't a makeover parlor._

_Oh and Jane, you don't count as a man. So ha!_

_Come in..._

Mike walked slowly into the room and saw a twelvish boy spinning around in a chair holding a pair of scissors. He jumped off the chair and ran forward.

"No one saw you?" He asked nervously.

Aro shook his head. "No Alec. Now work your magic!"

Alec walked forward with the scissors and Mike screamed loudly.

"AAAAHHHHH!!! Not my hair!!! NOOOOOOO….."

**Bella and Edward's cottage…**

"Nice place." Charlie growled. "Can I come in?"

Bella smiled at him, she was wearing a pair of jeans and a jacket over her costume, so Charlie couldn't see it. "Sure dad, you hungry?"

Charlie shivered inside at what Bella's idea of food might be so he refused. "No Bells, I'm fine." He muttered, sitting down on a large couch. "But I do need to ask you something."

Bella sat next to him. "What is it?"

Charlie sighed. "I feel silly saying this, but are you involved in any…gangs or clubs?"

Bella snorted. "No dad. Why would I be?"

"Well I've had an old lady report being dragged across a road. And her description of the assailants matched yours and Edwards." Charlie said quietly.

'_Crap_' Bella thought to herself. She then unshielded her mind and thought loudly '_Edward, Charlie's onto us, bring help to the cottage_' She repeated this several times and hoped he heard.

"And the common thing that's linking several incidents together is that the phrase 'Cullen Force' is being used. And some of Jacob's friends trashed my house and stole my toilet!!" Charlie continued.

"Someone trashed your house?" Bella asked.

Charlie nodded. "Yep, and they spray painted 'Cullen Force' all over the living room walls."

Bella put an expression of sympathy on her face and was sitting quietly when Emmett burst through the door followed by Edward, Carlisle and Jasper.

"I'm telling you! Edward stole my Barbie doll!" Emmett screamed loudly, causing Charlie to flinch.

"Oh yeah? Well you stole my piano!" Edward screamed back as Emmett ran through the room at vampire speed looking for his Barbie.

"Edward you dumbass, what would I want with your dumb piano!?" Emmett yelled, tipping Charlie off the couch as he lifted up one end, Bella held on to a cushion grinning happily.

"BOTH OF YOU CALM DOWN!!!!!!" Carlisle yelled at them.

They shut up and Carlisle glared at them before noticing Charlie, who was slowly standing up.

"Hello, Chief Swan." Carlisle greeted him quietly, "How are you?"

"Good, Dr Cullen, can I ask you something?" Charlie replied.

"Anything."

"Do you know anything about a gang called The Cullen force?" Charlie asked.

"Uh-oh." Emmett muttered quietly.

Edward whispered something in Jaspers ear. Jasper smiled and looked at Charlie, who beamed back at him.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" Charlie squealed.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Emmett asked Jasper.

"Made him feel really happy." Jasper replied.

"Goodbye!" Charlie yelled and bounced out of the door, skipping towards his car.

They stared after him as he got into his car and drove off.

"Heroes, we have just met our first villain." Emmett announced.

"Oh no!" Jasper whined, "What will we do?"

Emmett smacked his fist into his palm. "We fight!!!" He yelled back, "We will defeat the Evil Moustache!"

Bella frowned, "What kind of a name is that?"

Emmett snorted and walked out of the cottage towards the main house, "He's got to be the only dude in Forks with a moustache." He replied, "And he's evil. Now, where is the wolf pack?"

**Next up…**

**Mikes makeover is finished**

**The wolf pack explains to Jacob exactly why they trashed Charlie house and what they did with the toilet.**

**Emmett comes up with a plan to defeat Charlie (Evil Moustache)**

**Esme and Rose save someone**

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Twilight Saga, but I do own the I heart Barbie chest!**

"I leave to go on my honeymoon and when I get back I find that you've become public nuisances?! What the hell is wrong with you, Leah, I left you in charge?!!" Jacob yelled at the wolf pack, who were lying sprawled out on pine needles in a forest clearing.

Leah rolled her eyes and began to snore.

"Not funny! You are the most immature, idiotic pack of wolves I have ever seen!" Jacob yelled, pacing back and forth. "You trashed Charlie's house and stole his toilet!"

Quil stood up, his hand in the air.

"Yes Quil!" Jacob screamed.

"I need to pee." Quil hissed through his teeth.

Jake smiled a truly evil smile. "Quil, I'm giving you an injunction. You are not allowed to pee!" He yelled. Leah sat up.

"Go pee, Quil." She told him and he ran behind a tree.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked in a dangerous voice.

Leah smiled. "Well, you left and I became Alpha. I still am Alpha." She said lazily. "Quil, you finished?"

"Nearly…Yep!" He yelled from behind the tree.

"Sharkalator, go and tell Emmett Man that we will participate in the meeting, Ember, Talon, go and show Captain PoofyPants what happened to the toilet." Leah commanded.

"You mean Charlie's toilet? And what's with Captain PoofyPants?" Jake yelled.

"Well it wasn't my fault that it was made out of pure gold! And that's your new name!" Leah yelled back.

Embry clamped his hand over Jake's mouth and along with Quil, dragged him off among the trees. Seth morphed and then ran off towards the Cullen house while Leah slowly walked after him, humming under her breath.

"This is it." Quil said and dumped Jake on the ground, disappearing with Embry. Jake gazed in horror at the toilet which had a large, white rabbit sitting on the lid.

"Welcome, little grasshopper" The rabbit said in a Chinese accent, "I shall teach you the ways of rabies!"

"Oh shit..." Jake swore

**In a secret bunker below the Cullen house…**

Everyone was sitting in their costumes around a large round stone table in a dark cement room. Emmett was sitting at the head of the table with Rose to his left and Carlisle to his right, Esme was sitting next to Carlisle and on her right was Bella, then Edward. Opposite Bella and Edward were Jasper and Alice and the wolf pack, not including Jacob.

"Everyone here?" Emmett boomed.

"Family Man is present!"

"Mother Hen is here!"

"The Oracle is here!"

"Major Whitlock reporting!"

"Miss Perfection is here."

"The Shield is here!"

"The Wolf Pack is ready for duty!"

"Yo, 'sup my bitches, The Copper Flash is in da house!" Edward wailed loudly.

Everyone glared at him. Edwards face fell.

"I was just trying to be creative." He muttered under his breath.

Emmett stood up, banging his fist on the table. "Disregarding Edward's idiocy, does everyone present agree that the nefarious Evil Moustache must be stopped?"

"Agreed!!" Everyone chorused.

Emmett nodded, "Good, now, it's time to review how we've helped humanity. Tell me if you've saved anyone."

Edward stood up. "We rescued a grouchy old lady! Does that count?" He yelled out.

Emmett grabbed a laptop and set it on the table. "Excellent, care to share your story Major Whitlock?" He asked as he typed on the keyboard.

Jasper nodded. "We rescued Mike Newton from public humiliation, but he concussed himself."

Emmett glanced up. "I rescued him as well, from his rabid bunny." He said slowly, and then looked at Carlisle.

"I treated him at hospital. And then sent him to Aro to deal with his gender confusion…" Carlisle recounted.

"CRAP!" Bella yelled.

"What is it?" Asked Leah.

Bella looked around at everyone, "My dad interviewed Mike, and he mentioned the phrase 'Cullen Force'. We use that all the time, and Charlie is starting to put things together!"

Emmett sighed. "I said that at the start of the meeting, idiot. We have to get to Volterra and capture Mike, because Charlie is probably going to follow him there."

They all nodded except for Alice, who was staring at the wall with a blank expression on her face.

"WHAT IS IT????" Jasper screamed, shaking her, "DON'T LEAVE ME NOW, ALICE!!!"

Alice shook her head, "Aww, it's okay Jazzy, I just had a vision."

"What was it?" Esme asked, as a door opened in the wall.

"Moooom, Kate and Garrett are- not _again_!!" Renesmee yelled, seeing them in their costumes.

"Nice!" Kate commented as she walked into the bunker, followed closely by Garrett.

"Kate!" Carlisle greeted, pulling her into a hug while Emmett and Jasper pounded Garrett on his back.

"Hey Carlisle, great to see you guys!" Kate squealed as she was hugged by Alice, Esme, Rose and Bella.

Edward stood up and grinned at Garrett, "Good to see your adjusting to our diet, Garrett." He said, gesturing to Garrett's golden eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine with it now." Garrett said happily, "I did it all for Kate though."

Kate smiled at him and then glanced at the Cullen's skintight costumes. "What is this, Justice League?" She asked.

"No, we are the Cullen Force!!" Emmett boomed.

"And the wolf pack!" Embry added.

Kate looked at Garrett and they grinned, "So, can we join?" Garrett asked.

"Of course!" Emmett said, "But you need names and costume designs."

Kate frowned, "I'll go for Shockwave!" She said, "And I want dark blue with yellow lightning bolts on my costume!"

"My name will be Whipcord, and I want a black and grey costume, please." Garrett added.

Emmett nodded, "We were about to go to Volterra, would you like to come?" He asked.

"Of course." Kate said happily, "Fill us in on the way!"

**Underground Complex, Volterra**

"I am finished!" Alec yelled, and whipped the chair around.

Aro squealed while Demetri and Felix high-fived.

"What do I look like?" Mike asked.

Alec held up a mirror and Mike dropped his jaw. He had a large Mohawk colored green and black sticking up from the centre of his head in a long thick stripe, he had an eyebrow piercing on the left side of his face and for some odd reason, and he was wearing black eyeliner.

"AHH!" Mike squealed, "I'm sexy!"

"Yes!" Aro replied, "But you must now hit the gym!"

Mike nodded and walked over to a pile of equipment and began to lift weights, "Heavy…too heavy…" He panted.

Alec cracked a whip, "Lift those weights or I swear I will give you to Jane!"

"Who's she?" Mike gasped.

Felix grinned, "Alec's sister from hell, so watch out!" He said menacingly.

Mike nodded and began doing bench presses while Aro bounced around him, "Feeling manly yet?" Aro asked.

"Yes…very." Mike hissed through his teeth.

"Good my child, good!"

"Hey, I want I tattoo on my butt." Mike added.

"What do you want it to say?" Alec asked.

"Umm… How about 'You just got laid'!" Mike said enthusiastically.

"Bags not doing it!" Alec yelled.

"Shotty not doing it!"

"I ain't touching _his_ arse!" Felix muttered.

"Oh great!" Aro yelled, "And I don't even like him!"

Alec looked around, panicking, "I didn't say that I liked him!" He yelled

**At the airport.**

"You cannot be serious!" Rosalie screamed at the woman, "You never wear yellow eye shadow with black clothing!"

"What!" Esme gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, "Rose, we have to save her!!"

"No!" The tall manly looking woman yelled back as Rose tied her to a chair with a pair of tights. Esme whipped out some makeup cleaner and began scrubbing the woman's face while Rose grabbed some light purple eye shadow and began applying it. The rest of the Cullen's, Kate and Garrett and the wolf pack turned around and stared as Esme and Rose applied makeup to the woman. In less than a minute they had finished and Rose untied the woman.

"Now you can really attract a man!" Rose said.

The woman's face fell, "I am a man!" He yelled.

"But why were you-" Esme began only to be cut off by the man.

"I'm Mitch Newton!"

Bella walked closer, "Mikes brother?" She asked.

"Yes, don't you remember me? You worked at my mum and dads store!" Mitch yelled.

"Not really." Bella confessed, "But Mitch, why are you wearing makeup?" She asked.

Mitch stared at her, "As a _joke_!" He hissed quietly, "I'm not like Mike!"

"Sure!" Quil snorted.

"I'M NOT!!" Mitch wailed and ran off.

"Congratulations!" Emmett said to Rose and Esme, "You two have now rescued a human!"

"_Flight 912 to Volterra is now boarding."_ A nasal voice boomed on the microphone.

"That's us!" Seth squealed grabbing onto Edwards arm.

"Yeah you can let go now." Edward said firmly.

Seth sighed and let go of Edwards arm and walked towards the flight desk with everyone else.

**What do you think?**

**Next up…**

**Mikes evil rabbit makes a return**

**We find out what happened to Jake.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Twilight series. It sucks.**

**Thank you to all my reviewers, I dedicate this chapter to you and also my friends who have been encouraging while I wrote this story!**

**And Halogirl240, what an awesome story you have! Rock on!**

**To LilyRosetheDreamer: Awesome idea! I hope you will let me use it in one of the chapters coming up. Please? (Gets down on knees and begs) Please?**

**And keep those reviews coming, they help a lot!**

**Underground complex, Volterra.**

Mike had been pumping iron for at least the last week. Aro had spoon-fed him some nasty green stuff, which had made his love handles disappear.

"Not my puppy fat!" He had wailed.

Aro glared at him, "It must go!" He had yelled in a commanding voice.

Mike gave up easily, returning to his gym exercises, muttering under his breath about what his mother would say.

Alec waltzed in the door, holding a shopping bag of assorted food and a pizza box.

"Food for the champion." He informed Mike, bolting the door shut.

Mike dropped the weights and wolfed down some Super Supremo, his head practically in the cardboard box. Eight slices later, he had finished.

Alec began gelling Mike's hair, singing 'Poker Face' under his breath. The bolt on the door rattled.

"It's Demetri." A voice called through the door.

Alec sighed, put the gel can down and unbolted the door. Demetri walked in and smiled at Mike.

"Yo, Newton, you need a sun tan!" He cried out.

Mike sighed, "Fine." He muttered.

Demetri glared, "Speak like we told you to!" He demanded.

"Yo I'm down with that, homie!" Mike replied.

"Fo sure, brutha!" Demetri added.

**Plane… In the air… Over an ocean… Seth just farted.**

"Eww gross, what is that smell?!" Leah asked.

All the vampires took a deep breath and shook their heads.

"It was Seth, I read his mind!" Edward screeched, climbing along the top of the plane interior.

Seth glared up at Edward, "Like my doggie fart?" He asked sarcastically, "You sicko!"

Edward glared at Seth and jumped into his seat next to Bella, grabbing a random magazine to read.

Alice began laughing like a maniac, banging her head on the window. It cracked.

"I see why they put you in the Insane Asylum." Rose noted, watching as the air hostess tried to restrain Alice, to no avail. The air hostess gave up and walked up to Embry.

"Would you like anything sir?" She asked, obviously flirting with him.

"Umm, how about you leave?" He suggested.

"Urgh, it's called deodorant honey, how about you use some?" Quil groaned, "You're making Clair upset!"

Emmett turned around in his seat, "Whoa, you brought Clair?"

Quil smiled down at the adorable two year old, "Yes, are you going on a holiday Clair?"

Clair shoved her dummy into Quil's mouth and bounced up and down on his lap, gurgling and squealing.

He smiled down at her while Esme lent forward.

"A real child?" She asked. Quil nodded and Esme snatched Clair off Quil, "Mine!" She hissed, bouncing Clair up and down on her lap.

Quil shrugged and reclined in his seat, yawning widely.

_CRACK!_ _CRACK! SMASH!_ Everyone turned around and stared at Alice, who had managed to break the window and now had her head hanging outside the window.

"WEEEEE!" She screamed, "THIS IS SOOOOO FUN! JAZZY, YOU TRY THIS!!!" Alice yelled. She grabbed Jaspers head and shoved it through the cabin wall, tearing a massive hole in the side of the plane.

"ALICE!!!" Emmett screamed, "THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME WE GO ON A VACATION! ONCE IS ENOUGH!!"

Jasper pulled his head back inside the plane and rubbed it.

"Don't blame this on my fart!" Seth screamed.

Several things happened very quickly….

Everything that wasn't seated began flying out of the massive hole.

The plane began rolling in mid air, and one of the wings ripped off.

The captain got on the planes P.A system and announced, "We are crashing ladies and gentlemen. We will most likely die, so please remain calm and put your oxygen masks on."

And Seth got excited and farted.

"Cullen Force, assemble!" Emmett yelled and the vampires and wolf pack stood up.

"What do we do, Emmett Man?" Kate asked.

"We must jump out of the plane! There is an ocean beneath us, and if we wait until the plane is low enough, we can jump out safely!" Emmett told them loudly.

The Cullen Force lined up near the hole, Quil having reclaimed Clair. They watched as the plane dropped steeply through the air, the ocean growing closer by the second.

"NOW!" Emmett screamed and they all jumped, landing safely into the water. The plane flew on for another two hundred meters, and then nose-dived into the water, exploding on impact.

"Whoa." Garret said.

Emmett's head popped out of the water, "Vampires, swim over to the plane and see if you can make a raft. I'll follow behind with Clair." Saying that, he grabbed Clair away from Quil as the Vampires cut through the water at Vampire speed. The wolves followed, Seth leaving a trail of bubbles behind him.

"Hey guys!" He screamed, "I just found out my new power! I fart in the water and it pushes me forward!"

Leah pushed Seth's head under the water and swam off, while he spluttered behind her, still emitting the trail of bubbles.

The vampires had reached the floating wreckage, and were now darting over the fuselage, pulling cables out of the cabin wall, and ripping off the seat belts. Kate and Garrett had found several pieces of large, flat metal, and were now laying them on the remaining wing.

Emmett caught up to them, Clair holding tightly onto his head. He jumped up onto the top of the plane and handed the baby to Quil, and swam underneath the plane. He ripped the landing wheels out, and held onto them as they floated to the surface. Jumping onto the wing, he dropped them triumphantly on top of the metal.

"Floats!" He said proudly.

Carlisle came up behind him, carrying a coil of thick wires. "Good work, Emmett Man!" He praised, and began laying the sheet metal over the tyres, securing the frame with wires.

Within about five minutes, the raft was finished. It floated on the water and had four paddles sitting on each side. Carpet had been ripped from the plane floor, and Edward had taken one of the pilot seats, with the dead pilot in it.

"What is that?" Bella asked, grabbing a paddle as everyone jumped onto the raft.

"This is Barney, Barney, this is Bella." Edward introduced, "Now Barney, don't go and have hot affairs with Bella!"

The pilots head tipped to one side, his tongue flopping out of his mouth.

"NO YOU CAN'T TONGUE BELLA!" Edward screamed and grabbing the body by the head, threw it into the ocean.

Everyone stared at Edward, who was now sitting in the pilot seat.

"Find me a sandwich, blond wench!" Edward screeched at Rosalie.

"Excuse me?!" She hissed, pulling her hand back and bitch slapping Edward across his face.

"What was that for!" He screeched back.

"Calling me a wench!"

"Fine, I'll call you…. A ho!"

"I am not a ho!"

"Well you act like one!"

"SHUTUP!" Emmett screamed. They shut up and stared guiltily at Emmett. "PICK UP A PADDLE, AND START PADDLING!"

"Which way?" Edward asked timidly.

Carlisle looked up at the sun, "This way." He said, pointing his hand slightly to the right.

Bella, Emmett, Jasper and Seth were standing on the left side of the raft, with Quil, Embry, Garrett and Kate on the right. They began pushing the paddles through the water, the vampires slightly faster than the wolves. Leah, Esme, Alice, Rose and Clair sat on a strip of carpet while Edward sat in his chair.

"JAZZY I SAW A FISH!" Alice screamed a while later.

"Yep. Lots of those out here." Jasper replied blandly.

"JAZZY IT WAS SHINY! I WANT A DRESS MADE OF FISH SCALES!"

"Alice, you would smell bad."

"I WANT A FISH! GET ME ONE!"

"When we get to Volterra."

"YAY!!"

**In the deep, dark woods…**

"Come back here little grasshopper!" The giant rabbit yelled in its fake Chinese accent, hopping after Jake.

He stopped running and slowly turned around, "Why?!" He growled.

"I must teach you the-"

"I don't want rabies!" Jake screamed and started running again.

"I wasn't going to give you them!" The rabbit returned.

Jake stopped again and whipped around, "Oh, why didn't you say so?" He asked.

"I forgot. Now, be my apprentice!" The rabbit screeched and ran back towards its shiny, golden toilet.

Jake sped after it, "Okay! But wait up!" The rabbit slowed down slightly and Jake caught up.

They returned to the clearing that housed the toilet and the rabbit jumped onto the seat.

"What do I call you?" Jake asked.

"Hmm.. Master FluffyTail!"

"That sounds gay."

"Oh yeah? So does Captain PoofyPants!"

"Touché. What do you need me to do?"

The rabbit stared at Jake with its evil eyes, "Go to the clothing store and get two pairs of big, fluffy pink pants. And some big yellow glasses." He instructed.

"Okaayy." Jake muttered, heading through the trees towards town.

**The Cullen house**

Renesmee sighed and looked around the house, "Oh yeah, stay at home, don't throw any parties and don't touch Emmett's Barbie collection. What the hell am I supposed to do?!" She muttered angrily to herself and stomped into the lounge room, throwing herself onto the couch.

_Knock Knock._

Renesmee jumped up and ran to the door. If it was a creep she would beat him up, she told herself and opened the door. She stood staring for a second and then looked down slightly.

"AHH!" She screamed.

"EEEKK!" The rabbit squealed back.

Renesmee regained her composure and looked at the giant white rabbit, "Are you Mike's rabbit, Mr. CuddlyPants?" She asked.

The rabbit nodded, "I have split up with Mike, he hogged the blankets." The rabbit informed her and pushing past Renesmee, made his way into the lounge room, "But I go by the name of Master FluffyTail now."

"You were Mike's…partner?" Renesmee asked.

The rabbit nodded, "Love at first sight." He said sadly.

_Ewww_, Renesmee said in her mind, "What can I do for you?" She asked.

The rabbit shrugged, "I was looking for Emmett Cullen."

"Oh he's gone to Volterra."

The rabbit's ears perked up, "Really? Thank you!" Saying that, he sped off through the door and into the woods.

"Strange." Nessie murmured, and closed the front door.

**What do you guys think?**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Next up…**

**Alice's obsession with fish goes too far,**

**The Cullen's kidnap Mike,**

**And Jake learns some kick-ass techniques off Master FluffyTail *Cough* Mr. CuddlyPants *Cough***

**Thanks again! And please review, and do you like the chapter previews? Please tell me!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the Twilight saga.**

**Sorry that this chapter took so long guys, I had a MAJOR writers block, and then the computer died but we got it repaired, and the repair dude deleted the half of Chapter 8 I had done!**

**So this is written mostly from memory. And I hope you enjoy and please review!**

**And to LittleLexy, sorry I've taken so long to get back to you but you may translate this story. And I totally understand if you already have. It's fine.**

**Somewhere in Volterra...**

"Bella, is it true that Michael Jackson is dead?" Edward asked.

Bella glanced at Edward. "Yes it is. Why?"

"'Cos I wanna go to his grave and steal his nose!"

Carlisle frowned, "That's more like something Emmett would think of, Edward."

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M NOT ORIGINAL? BECAUSE I AM! NONE OF YOU LOT EVER THOUGHT ABOUT DATING A HUMAN! AND NONE OF YOU CALLED YOURSELF MASOCHISTIC! AND NONE OF YOU EVER WANTED TO MAKE YOYR OWN VERSION OF THE SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE!!!" Edward screamed loudly, causing a flock of pigeons to fly away in alarm.

"You like the Sex and the City movie?" Leah asked.

"YES! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY OF YOU THINK, SARAH JESSICA PARKER IS HOT!"

"Yeah, and I'm a pink elephant." Kate muttered.

"Where's Oracle?" Asked Rosalie.

_Crack! Crack! SMASH!_

Alice ran out of a fish shop holding a large silver fish in her arms.

"SEE WHAT I GOT, JAZZY!!!" She screeched.

"Is that... a fish?" Esme asked.

"Yep." Bella answered

"OMG, SO SHINY, SO SLIPPERY. BUT NOT AS SHINY AS ME!!! HAHA, FISHY, I SPARKLE MORE!"

"Maybe you should...put the fish away?" Seth sniggered.

"NEVER!"

"C'mon, Oracle. Don't you think you should concentrate on the mission." Emmett pleaded.

"YOU MUST PROMISE TO BUY ME A FISH SCALE DRESS, JASPER!"

Jasper moaned, "Oohhh, alright." He answered.

Alice screamed with joy and grabbing the fish by its tail, threw it over several houses.

"Back to the mission." Emmett instructed. "We must make our way to the Volturi stronghold!"

The Cullen Force nodded and followed Emmett down the street, people staring at their skintight costumes.

**A plane...**

Charlie sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt, making his way down the plane aisle towards the toilet. He opened the door, stepped in and looked into the mirror. His hair was messy, he had dark purple shadows under his eyes and his clothes were in a state of disarray.

"I hate planes." He muttered under his breathe, and splashed some water from the hand basin onto his face.

_Don't we all. _A voice whispered.

"Ahh! What the hell!" Charlie yelled and jumped backwards.

"Are you alright in there?" An air attendants voice came from outside the door.

Charlie looked around wildly. "Uh, yeah. Just a bit...constipated." He yelled through the door.

"Okay." The air attendant yelled back and moved away.

Charlie moved closer to the mirror and began to search around it, looking for the mysterious voice.

"Where are you!" He whispered angrily.

_You now we are very alike, Charlie. We both wish to achieve the same goal. _The voice whispered again.

"Who are you?!" Charlie hissed.

_I am known as a spirit. I only wish to help you._

"How!"

_It is simple, really. You get me into Volterra and I will exterminate the Cullen Force. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. _The voice replied.

"Why do you need help to get to Volterra. I thought spirits could go wherever they wanted?" Charlie asked.

_My earthly form is that of a can of cheap shaving cream. I cannot move by myself but I can still use my powers. I am hidden behind the mirror._

Charlie sighed and put his hands on either side of the mirror. He tugged until it broke free of the wall, and hidden in a small alcove was a bright blue can of "Manly Shaving Cream"

"What now?" Charlie asked.

_Go back to your seat and pretend everything is normal. I will tell you more when we arrive in Volterra._ The voice promised.

Charlie opened the toilet door and walked back towards his seat.

"Are you okay now sir?" The flight attendant asked.

"I'm fine!" Charlie snapped, and put the can of shaving cream into his jacket pocket.

**The throne room, underground complex, Volterra.**

"Yo, all dem ladies, they love my guns. I like all dem ladies, they so fun. I-" Mike yelled loudly.

"No no no! You must try harder. Jane, show him what I mean!" Aro growled.

Jane smirked and walked into the middle of the room.

"Yo my bitches, lemme tell yo something..." Jane began and then started rapping. " Mike can't rap, cos he full of crap. He acts like he's cool, but he's freakin' fool. He has the hots for muscly boys, and when he talks it's just noise. He reads girls magazines, and eats baked beans. Yo Newton, ya think you more playa than before..... everyone knows you gayer than before!" (No offence to gay people at all :)

"Jane! That was horrible!" Caius wailed.

"What is this, Volturi Idol?" Jane yelled back and stormed out of the room.

"I'm sorry!" Mike sniffed. "I've just had a really hard time lately!"

"Get over yourself!" Aro screeched

Mike's jaw dropped and he stared blankly at Aro. "You're right." He murmured. "I have to get over myself."

Caius intervened. "Only if you want to, it's your choice." He told Mike.

"THERE THEY ARE!!!!!!! LET'S GET THEM, CULLEN FORCE!!!" A deep voice boomed. Everyone spun around to find Emmett standing near a tunnel entrance, with his family, Kate and Garret and the wolf pack standing behind him.

"CARLISLE!!! YOU'RE HERE! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME, WHEN WE WOULD BE RE-UNITED AND ELOPE TOGETHER!!!" Aro screamed, and threw himself at Carlisle's feet.

Esme snarled at Aro and he jumped backwards sheepishly.

"We are the Cullen Force! And we are here to protect the Newton boy from his doom!" Emmett boomed.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!" Alice echoed loudly.

"You can have him for all we care." Caius replied.

"Who wants to hurt Mike?" Aro asked.

Edward gasped girlishly, "Why, the Evil Moustache of course!"

Aro frowned, "Who?" He asked.

Bella stepped forward, "My father. And he's coming to Volterra for Mike."

"But if we lay low, he will never find us." Emmett told them.

"Lets play strip poker!" Felix suggested.

"Okay!" Mike replied.

**The golden toilet.**

"Master, can you teach me some crazy kick-ass moves?" Jake asked.

The giant rabbit twitched its ears. "Alright, I will teach you... karate!!"

Two days later...

_SNAP! _Jake punched the wooden board in two, spun around and jumped over a log, and then picked up the log. He then threw it at a tree and snap kicked at the air, rolling forward as he landed and jumping to his feet. He then karate chopped a sapling in two, and turning to face the rabbit, bowed low.

"Excellent, little grasshopper!" The rabbit praised. "Soon we shall reveal ourselves to the world!"

"What will we do, master?" Jake asked.

"We will destroy the one known as Mike Newton!"

"Oh. I don't like him."

"Nobody does!"

**Do you guys like it?**

**Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the Twilight saga.**

**So whats happening, yo?**

**In about a week I will be putting a new story up that is a cross over between Twilight and... you'll just have to wait! But to my readers, I make you this promise. Cullen Force comes first!!!! **

**Thanks to all my reviewers! You are saviors! **

**Seriously, this has to be the best party stage ever.**

"Are you sure this is laying low?" Mike asked.

Aro snorted. "Of course it is. After all, do _you _think that holding a_ giant _party will attract attention?"

"Well, yes-"

"And the theme isn't even that noticeable, all I'm asking is for everyone to turn up dressed like knights."

"But the giant catapult-"

"Look, it only cost a million bucks, and it goes well with the castle."

"You got a _castle_?!" Mike screeched.

Aro rounded on him. "Look, just enjoy the party all right?" He hissed.

Mike hung his head in defeat. "All right." He muttered and gazed around him.

They were in the middle of a giant, grass covered field that was adorned with banners, striped pavilions and the afore mentioned castle. It stood on a small hill, dominating the landscape with its tall, strong walls and thick, soaring towers. A large wooden catapult stood fifty metres away from the stone wall, with several large, round boulders piled up beside it.

"They're arriving!" Aro screeched.

A large knight riding on a white horse galloped up to them.

"This is the party?" Emmett asked, removing his helmet.

Aro nodded. "Yes, it is. Who are you, may I ask?"

Emmett frowned. "Um I'm Sir Emmett." He replied and showed Aro his shield which had a red bear on white background. "This is my...crest thing."

Aro smiled. "Excellent. Ooh, some more people are arriving!"

Two figures galloped up, both riding brown horses. One wore steel armor, the other was wearing leather armor and a green cloak.

"Lord Aro, I presume?" Bella asked, dismounting from her horse, her steel armor clanking.

"Yes. Who is the other?"

Edward jumped of his horse and began waving a longbow around. "I am the ranga ranger! Ha ha!"

Aro clapped his hands. "Wonderful! Ooh, look at _that_!"

A line of horses were now approaching. One horse, which was covered on gold cloth, was ridden by Carlisle, who was wearing gold plate mail. Esme rode behind him, on a dapple grey mare. She had a deep purple dress on, and had a silver circlet on her head. Behind them was the wolf pack, who were all riding massive black horses. They all wore painted black armour, and had painted black lances by their sides.

"Hello, Aro." Carlisle greeted.

Aro blushed (If it is even possible for a vampire to blush. If it isn't, imagine Aro with a really cheesy expression on his face, staring at Carlisle.) "Hey..Carlisle." Aro whispered and then cleared his throat. "What are you?"

Carlisle shrugged. "A golden knight with my wife, Lady Esme." He said, smiling at Esme. Esme glared at Aro and poked her tongue out at him when he wasn't looking.

Leah walked her black stallion forward. "We are the Death Knights of La Push!" She yelled, gesturing to the knights behind her.

"This is our crest!" Embry shouted and raised his shield, which had a white wolf on black background.

"Biiig horse." Clair gurgled, sitting in front of Quil.

Quil nodded, his face obscured by a large, winged black helmet he wore. "It is, isn't it Clair?" He replied to the young girl.

"Who else is coming?" Mike asked.

Edward began gagging. "Can...can anyone else smell that?" He gasped, covering his nose with his cloak.

"Fish." Bella muttered and then looked at Emmett.

Emmett shrugged. "I don't like fish."

"It must be... Oracle!" Esme exclaimed and at that moment, Alice appeared. She was wearing a sparkly silver dress, which stunk of fish. Around her neck was a necklace of what appeared to be fish eyeballs.

"Eww." Mike coughed.

"What are you wearing?" Aro asked nervously.

Alice rolled her eyes. "A dress made out of fish scales, duh!"

Jasper walked up to them. "Sorry." He apologized. "I couldn't convince her out of it."

"And now we suffer for it." Edward wailed. "My ranger super-senses can't take anymore of this!"

"Shutup!" Emmett growled. "Has anyone seen Rosalie?"

"I'm over here." Rosalie's voice screeched.

They all turned around to see a golden carriage drawn by four white horses roll up. The driver, who was Felix, jumped out of his seat, rushed around the side of the carriage and then opened the door. Rosalie stepped out.

"Oooh!" Everyone exclaimed.

She was wearing a hot pink dress with puffy sleeves, and carried a large scepter in her hand. The words 'Miss Perfection' were printed across the front of the dress.

"I am Miss Perfection!" Rosalie yelled.

"Yeah. We kinda gathered that from the dress." Bella replied.

Rosalie shot her a withering glance.

"What?" Bella asked, shrugging her shoulders.

"Nothing." Rosalie replied and sat down on a nearby chair.

"This is wonderful." Aro said happily.

"Kate and Garrett are here." Edward screeched.

Kate was wearing black leather armour with several daggers in her belt, while Garrett had a mace and was clad in chain mail.

"Wassup?" Kate asked.

Aro shrugged. "Not much. Just a giant party in a giant field with a giant castle and catapult."

"Cool." Garrett said.

**Tourist shop, Volterra.**

Charlie looked around and then down at the can of shaving cream stuck in his pocket. "Why the hell are we here again?" He growled out aloud.

_I want something to read._ The spirit whispered in his head.

"What in HELL! You're in a shaving can, you can't read!!!!" Charlie screamed.

The woman behind the counter glared at Charlie and reached under the desk, pulling out a double barrel shotgun and aiming it at Charlie.

"OUT!" She yelled, and jerked the gun towards the door.

"OKAY!" Charlie screeched and walked out the door.

_It appears our plans have been foiled._

Charlie ignored the whisper and looked at a large, bright poster taped to a nearby wall.

**MEDIEVAL PARTY**

**THEME IS MEDIEVAL TIMES.**

**HOSTED BY ARO**

**WITH SOME RAPS BY JANE, AND EVENTS SUCH AS JOUSTING AND FAKE WARS.**

**SEXY PEOPLE ONLY.**

**JUST LOOK FOR THE GIANT CATAPULT OUTSIDE THE GIANT CASTLE INSIDE THE GIANT FIELD SURROUNDED BY FOREST.**

**NO EVIL MUSTACHES OR PEOPLE BY THE NAME OF VICTORIA.**

"Well, well, well." Charlie muttered and began stroking his mustache.

_We must crash this party._

"Yes. Yes, we must! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha.......!!!" Charlie cackled.

**High Fashion Clothes Store, Volterra.**

Jake leaned across the counter and flashed the clerk a dazzling smile.

"How can I help you?" She simpered.

"Well, I'm going to a party, and I wish to acquire a pair of … Poofypants." Jake said slowly.

"Poofypants?" The receptionist asked.

"Yes. Oh, and I'll need two pairs, my rabbit has been invited as well." Jake replied.

The clerk pulled out a pair of large, pink pants with rainbow pom-poms sown on.

"Excellent." Jake enthused. "Also, I need two pairs of bright yellow sunglasses, two purple bow ties and two pairs of cowboy boots."

The clerk glanced up. "May I ask what kind of party it is that you are going to?"

"Umm... the theme is... idiots." Jake stuttered.

"Whatever. That will be three hundred dollars."

Jake paid and walked out of the shop, the stuff held in his arms.

The tinted window of a blue sedan rolled down, and Mr. CuddlyPants stuck his giant head out of the window.

"Did you get the stuff?" He asked.

"Yes Master. It's all here." Jake reported, and opened the boot of the car, placing the stuff inside. He then hopped in the passenger seat and the car drove out of Volterra, headed to Aro's party.

**Let's return to the party.**

"And now, Jane will rap her new song!" Aro said, and everyone looked at the small vampire.

Jane grabbed the mike, and walked onto a fairly flat area. "Yo, here we go...

Ever since I was a young boy-"

"BOY?!" Edward screeched, and grabbing his bow, fired several arrows into the air.

"The truth comes out!" Jasper joked, and everyone started laughing.

"SHUT-UP!" Jane screamed.

"NO!" Garrett yelled back.

"YES!" Jane roared.

"GET OFF THE STAGE!!" Seth booed.

Jane snarled at them and ran into the castle, shutting the main doors behind her.

"LET'S PARTY!" Emmett boomed, and everyone jumped up and began dancing. Carlisle and Emmett jumped onto their horses, and began jousting, while Alice began running around like a vampire maniac.

"STOP!" Aro yelled, and everyone stopped, looking to where Aro was looking. Two brightly coloured figures were approaching the guests.

"Is that...Jake?" Embry asked.

Leah snarled. "Yes, it is that _idiot._"

Jake and the other....thing were now running towards the guests.

"Mike Newton...!" The figure next to Jake wailed. "Die!"

Mike froze and peered at the short, fat thing that was running full speed at him. "Oh shit." He said.

"Is that a...rabbit?" Esme asked.

"A giant rabid bunny." Emmett informed her.

The rabbit stopped in front of everyone and sneezed. Three times.

"Isn't it cute!" Caius said, bending over to pat it.

The rabbit snapped at Caius and the blond vampire backed off.

"Which one of you is wearing shaving cream?!" It snapped.

"What?" Rosalie asked.

The rabbit glared at her. "It is common knowledge I have an allergy to shaving cream, bimbo!"

"Shaving cream?" Bella muttered.

"Sorry." A voice from behind them said. "I'm afraid it is I who has the shaving cream."

"EVIL MUSTACHE!!!" Emmett roared, pointing his finger at Charlie.

**The Cullen House.**

"Oh. My. God." Renesmee yelled, staring at the monstrosity before her.

A shrine hidden in Emmett's wardrobe had been discovered by the half-breed girl. The shrine was dedicated to Barbie, with Barbie dolls in clear glass cases placed on shelves around the room.

"So this is Emmett's Barbie collection..." She muttered, staring around fascinated. "You could sell this stuff for a fortune on Ebay!"

She ran downstairs and turned on the computer. Within half an hour, all of Emmett's Collector Edition Barbie's were for sale. Renesmee rubbed her hands together and began cackling loudly.

Two days later...

"Ten thousand dollars! I'm rich!" Renesmee whooped, throwing fistfuls of money into the air. She danced around the kitchen, until she collided with a large, solid door.

"That's where Mum said I shouldn't go." Renesmee muttered to herself. "So I'm just gonna break all the rules!" Opening the concrete door, Renesmee descended down the steep stone stairs into darkness...

**So, how was that?**

**Come on guys, I love reading your reviews. So please, write some.**

**And thankyou to all my reviewers out there, you help so much.**

**And to all those fans of Maximum Ride, check out Halogirl240's story. It's a cross-over with NCIS.**

**Can't wait to hear those reviews! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga. Surprising, isn't it?**

**Sorry this took so long guys, but I punched a wall because my phone was pissing me off and got really sore fingers. So you lot better like this chappie!**

"YES, IT IS I!" Charlie roared, and pointed a can of shaving cream at Emmett.

"ATTACK!" Emmett ordered, and the Cullen force sprang into action.

Leah and the wolf pack morphed while still in their armour, sending metal pieces flying in every direction, Edward grabbed his bow and began firing arrows up into the air, Bella tried to restrain him with no luck and Rosalie began applying more mascara to her eyelashes.

"Oh my!" Aro screeched, and pointed at Jake. "Look at that!"

Jake had just taken his shirt off, showing his gorgeous body off. (O.M.G.!!!!)

"I could have had that!." Bella screamed, and pushed Edward over.

"Ow!" He squealed, and rolled around, tripping people up.

Alice grabbed a large, silver fish out of her handbag (Honestly, no idea how she got it in there.) and proceeded to wave it through the air.

"THIS IS MY FISHY! TOUCH IT AND DIE" She boomed, in a surprisingly deep voice.

"Whatever." Mr. CuddlyPants said, and leaping up, kicked Rosalie in the face.

Rosalie lept at the enlarged bunny, her hands outstretched. At the last minute, Mr. CuddlyPants dived to the side, so that she crashed into Kate.

The wolves circled Jacob, snarling at him. Emmett, Jasper and Caius surrounded the Evil Mustache, and everyone else was chasing after Mr. CuddlyPants, screaming out 'Who's a cute big little bunny? You are!'

And then everything stopped.

Another person walked out of the trees,waving happily. "Hi everyone!" She yelled happily.

"Hi." Mike muttered.

"What are you doing here?" Aro asked.

"Just checkin' the scene out. And my name's LilyRosetheDreamer!!"

"Okay, well you can get what you came for and leave." Emmett added, and crossed his arms.

"Oracle, Alice, whatever, give me the fish!" LilyRosetheDreamer demanded.

"NO!" Alice screamed and clutched said fish to her chest.

LilyRosetheDreamer stepped forward, and pointed her index finger at Alice. "Do it, or I'll tell all of the Twilight fans about your passion for Bella!"

Alice shrugged. "Everyone already knows about _that_!"

Bella made a face.

"What about if I tell them how you said that you wanted a real man, not some freak that feels peoples emotions!"

"NO! MY FISHY!"

"I didn't want to do this." LilyRosetheDreamer sighed, and jumped at Alice, wrestling for the fish.

"MY FISHY!"

"NO, IT'S MINE!"

LilyRosetheDreamer snatched the fish off the small vampire girl, ran up to Jasper and hugged him, and then began to walk away.

"See ya round, peoples! I mean, vampires and shape shifters!" She called over her shoulder, and disappeared into the forest.

"Who the hell was that?!" Carlisle asked.

Emmett shook his head. "No idea. And what the hell is Twilight?"

Bella stared at Alice, looking confused. "You love me?" She asked.

"EWW NO! I just had a passion for doing your hair!"

Bella smiled nervously and walked towards Emmett.

"Keep fighting, then!" He yelled, and the fight started again.

Now, because of said sore fingers, I won't tell you how many arrows Edward fired at people, or how much Jake got beaten up by his supposed loyal pack. But I will tell you this:

The can of shaving cream flew out of Charlie's hand, hovered above everyones heads and started to glow.

_You, the vampires of Volterra, who hunted my kind to extinction, will pay for what you did to me._ It whispered in their minds

"Huh?" Marcus asked.

_That's right, I am the spirit of a true werewolf. I got trapped in this prison, but recruited a loyal follower on the plane._

"Loyal follower? I thought we were friends!" Charlie roared, and taking out his gun, fired three shots into the can.

A pink mist seeped through the bullet holes, and began to swirl in the air.

_FOOL! You have released me, and now I shall take my revenge on everyone here!_ The mist roared, and was gathering itself into the shape of a sword when something silver flew through it.

"Sorry." LilyRosetheDreamer apologized, "I just have this... thing that I hate giant, evil pink spirits! They really piss me off." She added, staring at the shrinking mist.

_You have killed me! Ahhh, how did you know my weakness was giant, smelly silver fish?_

"I just... know these things, I guess." She replied, and then frowned. "But now I'm going to have to get a fish from someone else."

"That's rough." Garrett said quietly.

"It doesn't matter, I hear some bitch called Jessica has one." LilyRosetheDreamer said, and walked off again.

_I'm dying! The pain..to much..going towards light..goodbye...idiots. _The spirit sighed, and disappeared.

"I'm going to leave." The Evil Mustache broke the silence, and walked towards the forest.

"Same." Mr. CuddlyPants added. "But I'll be back!" And he bounded off after Charlie.

Jake stood staring at everyone sheepishly. "Sorry." He muttered.

Emmett sighed. "Let's go home. Nessie will be lonely."

"Agreed." Jasper added.

**The totally secret room underneath the Cullen House.**

"What is this?" Renesmee said, appalled by what she saw.

She was staring at Emmett's diary.

_Today, I played the X-box. And started writing my story. But then I decided to hide this totally secret diary in the totally secret room underneath the Cullen House._

_And then Esme made me write this list of what Nessie wasn't allowed to do, and I totally agreed._

_Damn Edward won't give her any structure, probably scared that she'll beat the shit out of him again._

_So Nessie, here is your list._

_Don't go into my room._

_Don't go into Alice's room._

_Don't go on E-Bay._

_Don't talk to strangers._

_Don't murder your maternal grandmother._

_Don't go into the secret room, which is probably hard hard for you not to do, as I am going to hide the list in there._

_Don't try to convince us that you saw a UFO, as we both know that I'll believe you._

_Don't stalk people._

_Don't get a mountain lion cub and try to raise it, as that would be a mistake._

_Don't go into town._

_Don't make a fortress out of boulders and pine tree trunks like you did last time we left you alone._

_Don't replace all of Edshit's Cd's with songs that are awesome and that he should listen to._

_Don't write 'Nessie is awesome' all over the house in blood._

_Don't write 'Jake is the sexiest thing ever' all over the house in blood._

_Don't buy guns from black market dealers._

_Don't hold people hostage in the house._

_Don't trash Edshit's car (Please do!)_

_That's all, and if you have done all of the above, you may write 'Emmett is awesome' all over the house in blood._

"Well, I've done everything on the list, so I guess I'm gonna have to write 'Emmett is awesome' all over the house in blood." She added, and grabbing a bucket of blood that she left lying around the house, went into the kitchen and started to paint the walls.

She had finished painting the kitchen and was onto painting the living room when she heard several cars pull up. Seconds later, the Cullen's walked into the house.

"Hey Edshit." Nessie greeted her father, who blinked in surprise.

"Nessie! My favorite niece-only niece!" Emmett yelled, and pulled her into a hug.

"What on earth have you done?!!!" Bella asked her daughter.

**Hope you guys like it!**

**And I think I'll finish the story soon, because I want to concentrate on my new one, which is called 'Bella, mutant.'**

**But I'm thinking about doing a part 2 of the Cullen force, with new villains.**

**So I'll write about one, maybe two more chapters. **

**Please review, you guys are awesome!**


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry this took so long! To LilyRosetheDreamer, I hope you enjoy your cameo in this chappie!

Anyway, here it is!

"**I am extremely disappointed in you!" Esme paced the living room. "You trashed the house, I found ten people tied up in the basement, there's a rocket launcher in my room and the house is covered in blood!"**

**Renesmee, seated on the couch, pouted. "But Granny-"**

"**I thought I told you not to call me that!"**

"**Okay, but Esme, it's my parents fault. Daddy won't let me have an X-box 360, and mummy won't let me do anything. And I'm married now!"**

**Esme threw her hands in the air, "Fine! But you can clean the house up!"**

"**Kay!" Nessie sprinted out of the room.**

"**I got rid of those people." Emmett was leaning on the doorway, "But I think they're going to need counselling."**

**Esme shrugged, "I don't blame them. So what do you plan on doing, now that you given up being heroes?"**

**As soon as they had settled back into normal life, and before Esme gave Nessie her lecture, Emmett had announced that the Cullen Force was being disbanded.**

"**Dunno. Kate and Garret went to Canada, to see if they could save any small communities, and the wolf pack is still rebelling against Jacob." Emmett made a face, "They want a day at a spa, and he said no."**

"**You should go on a holiday." Esme said, "Go and talk to your sane siblings and your wife."**

**By sane siblings, Emmett knew that Esme meant Jasper and Bella, as Edward was currently writing poetry about rocks, and Alice - who had gotten over her 'Giant silver shiny fishy' obsession - was now trying to find something else to be obsessed with.**

**Emmett smiled at his adopted mother, and went to find Bella, Jazzy and Rose.**

**Jessica Standley's house.**

Jess was extremely happy for several reasons.

1) Her love, the sexually confused Mike Newton, had returned to Forks. And now sported a green and black Mohawk, an eyebrow piercing and was now buff.

2)She had decided to have a Gossip Girl marathon, but no one had wanted to come. So it was just her, and her fish.

Jessica's fish was big, silver and shiny.

"And I'm like, OMG!!! I'll just get my popcorn!!!" Jess ran of into the kitchen, and something moved behind the couch.

"Aha!" LilyRosetheDreamer whispered under her breath, "Fishy is mine!"

Said fishy moved slightly to the left and stared at her.

LilyRosetheDreamer crept towards the oversized fish tank, a thick needle in her hand. The needle was full of anaesthetic, so that the fish wouldn't do the whole 'Oh, I'm not going to co-operate with you! No, I'm going to splash water everywhere and flap around like I'm demented!'. LilyRosetheDreamer always thought ahead.

Now, Jess had managed to spill sugar all over the kitchen floor, and was now crawling around, scooping it back into its container.

LilyRosetheDreamer reached into the fish tank, and put the needle into the fish. Within seconds it was floating on the surface of the water, and she put it into a large, black bag.

"Popcorn's ready!" Jess squealed.

"Shit!" LilyRosetheDreamer looked around for an exit, and found one. She leapt out of the open window, and rolled as she hit the ground.

"MY FISHY!!!!" Wailed Jess, "WHY!!"

On a cold rainy mountain peak, ten miles away from Jessica's house there was a loud POP! And LilyRosetheDreamer landed on the ground, bag still in hand.

"YOU KNOW WHY!!!" She screamed, as rain pelted down on her face. Then, realising she was not outside Jess's house, she blinked. "Huh. Must of apparated here - wait, this ain't Harry Potter!"

There was a bright flash, and then _CRACKOOM!! _

"Better get this fishy in water." The thief sighed, "Now how the hell do I get down from here?!"

**Cullen house, Emmett's room.**

"Why am I here?" Asked Jasper, who had been forcibly dragged by Rose and Emmett to his current location.

"We need to talk about something." Rose said, "That's what Emmett said."

Emmett nodded, "I think we need a holiday. Not the wolf pack, or Nessie, just Jasper, Alice, Bella, Edshit, Rose and I."

Jasper walked over to a window, and looked down at something. "I worry about Alice - oh no, I think she's found her new 'obsession'."

They joined him over at the window, only to see Alice jumping around at vampire speed, catching butterflies with a butterfly net.

"What is she doing?" Emmett asked, just as Alice reached into the net, pulled out a butterfly and popped it into her mouth.

"Ew." Rose muttered, while everyone made sounds of disgust.

Alice chewed for a couple of seconds, and some butterfly guts dripped onto her chin. She swallowed.

"YUMMY!!!" She screamed, and picking up her net, went to catch more.

"You think you have problems." Bella said to Jasper, "Edward tried to write poetry. Here, I'll read some." Bella pulled out a piece of paper from her jeans pocket.

_Rocks are big and small._

_Rocks can fall,_

_Oh no, one hit me on the head!_

_Oh wait, I'm undead!_

"You see?" Bella put the paper back in her pocket, "I think we could all use a holiday."

"It is agreed! But where will we go?" Emmett asked.

"Hawaii!"

"Africa!"

"What about." Jasper paused, "Britain? It's hardly ever sunny, and we will fit in."

"Great idea!" Bella smiled, "Maybe we can dump Edward on the way - did I say that out loud?"

They nodded and she shrugged, "Oh well."

"So Britain! I will inform Esme!" Emmett dashed out of the room, and they stared at each other.

"Sooooo," Jasper smiled, "Want to play pranks on Edward."

"Yes!"

"Totally-did I say that out loud?"

**Three days later.**

"I wanna go!" Nessie whined, and wrapped her arms around her father's right leg.

"No." He kept walking, dragging her along behind him.

"Whyyy not?!"

"Nessie, you called me Edshit. I am your father, not some 'homeboy' you can call whatever you like."

"Oh I bet you wish you were a homeboy, huh?"

Edward stopped. "Let go."

"NO!"

"Now, Renesmee."

She glared at him, "I'll beat you up!"

Edward sighed, and kept walking. He was headed to , his siblings and wife were waiting for him so they could get to the airport.

"I don't want to go, you suck!" Renesmee released him and ran off.

"Mood change much." Edward muttered under his breath.

"What took you so long?!" Emmett demanded.

"Nessie was being mean!" Edward pouted.

Emmett rolled his eyes, "I'm driving!"

Edward hissed and got in the back seat. "I thought my daughter trashed this car."

"She did. But thanks to my awesome skills I fixed it." Rose replied, and got in the passenger seat.

Bella got in next to Edward. "Jasper and Alice are taking the ford." Emmett started up the car just as Carlisle and Esme came out of the house.

"We'll miss you!" Carlisle said.

"Not!" Esme whispered, "Well at least I won't!"

"We'll be fine." Emmett said cheerfully, "We can look after ourselves."

"I believe you." Carlisle was miraculously keeping a straight face.

"Bye!" Esme and Carlisle waved as the cars drove away.

**Some sleepy town in Canada**

Steve was a loner for several reasons.

Maybe it was due to the fact that he lived in a forest, a magical forest with unicorns and centaurs, pixies and giant talking mushrooms. Yes, all of this is true(To Steve, to us this is just a load of bull). You see, Steve was a stoner.

No one should smoke as much 'weed' as Steve does, because he did about a kilo a day.

That couldn't be healthy.

And right now, he was explaining to a man and a woman why he had asked for help.

"Cos, there was this mushroom. And it hit me, and I was like 'I'm gonna get them heroes on you!"

Garrett nodded. "Where is the mushroom?" He asked, while Kate rolled her eyes.

"Go into the magic forest, and turn left at the lollipop, and then walk into the bed and breakfast." Steve informed them, "It's in the kitchen."

"Great." Kate sighed.

Garrett, suspecting that his girlfriend might chuck a tanty and demand that they go do some worthwhile heroic deed, decided to leave. "Uh, thanks. We'll see you around!"

The man and woman dashed off, and Steve began to chuckle. "Fools! I am the mushroom!!!" He crowed, and smile absently.

**La Push.**

Leah Clearwater was pissed.

And not for the normal reasons, like how Sam dumped her, and how her father died, and how she was the first ever 'girly wolf'.

She was pissed at Jacob Black.

Not only had he run off with a rabid rabbit, leaving his wife to destroy the Cullen home, he had come back expecting Leah to give back leadership of the pack.

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

"Leah, you can't be Alpha!"

"Why not?!" She screamed back, "Is it because I'm a girl? You sexist pig!"

"SEXIST PIG!!" Quil screamed for extra effect.

"Thank you Quil." Leah smiled at him, and then got back to being pissed. "Jake, you suck."

"Officially." Seth added, "Like, you are the suckiest person in history. Even more so than Mike Newton."

"I HATE YOU ALL!!" Jake stormed off, probably to find comfort in his half leech girlfriend.

"I'm still alpha." Leah said after a while, "And we still the maddest pack."

Embry nodded and they went cliff diving, so they could appear to be cool.

**Epilogue.**

On the plane, Edward wrote lots of poetry, and Alice sulked because she threw up the butterflies. Bella listened to songs on her iPod, Jasper talked to Emmett about manly things, like listening to manly music (Dig at Edward), and how that funny it was that Edward lost his virginity at age 106. Rose stared at her reflection in a hand mirror the whole flight.

Esme and Carlisle were rejoicing that their house was finally empty (Except for Nessie, who had locked herself in Edward's old room and was writing 'EDWARD SUCKS' all over the walls, but in glow-in-the-dark paint instead of blood).

Mike Newton was aspiring to be a rapper "Like my hero, Jane!" and had started dating Jessica "But touch me in any way, and I swear I will take out a A.V.O. on you!".

Charlie had gotten over being the evil mustache, and now arrested random people for random things. Here are several examples.

1) Arrested Eric for not washing his hair.

2) Arrested Sam Uley for 'Being such a man-bitch to my girlfriends daughter'

3) Arrested himself for no apparent reason at all.

Jane was recording her first studio album, and was singing a song called "Volturi beat down". Aro had discovered he had a wife, and was now over Carlisle. The wolf pack was still rebelling against Jacob, to the poin the had rung up Aro asking for help. Aro never replied.

Kate and Garrett had given up being heroes, and had gone to Esme's island for a holiday.

And so ends part 1 of the cullen force.

**Sorry this took so long guys!**

**Would you like me to do a part 2 of the Cullen Force? I need to know!**

**Please review!**


	12. The Sequel is here!

**Okay, to all of you who read this story, a preview for the sequel is now up. Sorry it's taken so long, but I've been carefully nurturing my writing skills so that the The Cullen Force 2 can be better than the original. **

**So I hope you read the preview, and if you like it, vote in the poll on my profile page. If The Cullen Force 2 beats out Bella, Mutant: The Early years, I'll write it. It doesn't matter of another story comes first!**

**XoXo,**

**DemonChick344**


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